Most families do not have any feeling of anxiety or fear about whether they will be violent by their children, but, if this happens, they will face a real vortex..
Parents may refrain from seeking help on how to deal with their violent -nature children, fearing that this will have repercussions for their children.
Research indicates that the problem is often surrounded by a wall of secrecy and is far from view, but it is more common than you think.
Last summer, 10 -year -old Aiden decided to kill the family dog, so he lured it behind the sofa with a sausage before he put his hands on the muzzle of her mouth and around her neck.
"It is a real madness because the two things he loves, Aiden are me and the dog, but we are both goals for his attacks and sometimes hurts her just because he wants to excite my muscles.".
تخطى مواضيع قد تهمك وواصل القراءةمواضيع قد تهمكTopics that may interest you end
Aiden kicks sometimes and strikes another time, and even sometimes bites.He tells his mother that he hates her and wants her to die and that he will get a pistol and shoot her.
He once tried to push her to the bottom of the stairs, and now after he learned of his mother's weaknesses, who have a visual disability, and do not see well from certain angles, he throws it with things that you cannot see.
He recently threw it with an electric water boiler, and fortunately for her, the water was not boiled, Aiden did not know that it was cold when he threw it on it..
"His behavior is like aggressive behavior...I feel like I am in a violent marital relationship.If my husband was acting, I would have opened the door and left the house, but it is different with your child, right?You are the garrison and his victim at the same time..
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تخطى البودكاست وواصل القراءةالبودكاستمراهقتي (Morahakaty)Teenage taps, from the presentation of a dignity as a vehicle and prepared by Mays Baqi.
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All cabinets containing kitchen knives have been closed to keep them out of reach of Aiden since he grabbed one and pushed towards a family member.
But he resorted to using anything else sharp to be found at home, such as scissors and even nail scissors.
"Everything leads to violence," says Hezel.."It is attracted to violence and sees it in any situation.We cannot even see simple children's programs because if there is a lowest degree of violence in one of its scenes, it will imitate it and represent it many times on the ground..
Aiden was four years old when Hezel and her husband adopted him, and it became clear to them immediately that he had more complicated needs than they thought.
"We have learned from the first day that there are serious problems, but we said that he lived in a very strange environment, so it was not appropriate for his custody, to see how things will go," Hezel says..
Idan did not improve, and from the beginning he was punctuating and tightening the hair of others and spitting them.The couple was hoping that the amount of violence would diminish with the passage of time, but it would exacerbate more.
At the age of five, Aiden caused the assistant school to be hospitalized twice.The first time he kicked her on her face while she was curious to pick up something he threw on the ground, and he is in anger.
School staff received a special training in which they learned how to deal with Aiden in a safe way when it becomes violent.
Hyzel remembers the first time that Aiden saw after "booked about an hour" at school, saying: "He was sitting on a small sofa in his classroom, and he took off almost all his clothes because of sweating, and beside him was an auxiliary teacher, he was trembling with fear, it was terrible.".
"I sat next to him, and he sat at my knees, wrapped on the same as the fetus sits in the womb of his mother, his vision was really painful.".
Hezel wonders if it was better to allow the school to bound physically, although it is not sure of the other ways that could not be resorted to it..
She says, "This must have caused him a psychological shock, but I know how much he violates him," she says.."I saw bruises on all assistant teachers and I don't know what they could do to keep their safety.".
Then the school built a lined room, a soft and safe space for Audden to go when it posed a threat to himself and others.
"But there was every day, and he was so angry that he had broke the door of the door three times," he said..
At that time, the school told Hazel that she was no longer able to deal with her son.
In 2010, researchers at Oxford University conducted the first police data analysis on the violence that parents are exposed to by their children, and they found that there were 1900 complaints registered with the police in the city of London alone within 12 months.
And a professor of crime science Rachel Condry, who supervised the study, estimates that there are tens of thousands of cases at the country level every year, and most of them are not registered..
She says: "It is a problem surrounded by a wall of secrecy and cover -up, there are many parents who do not tend to inform the police or do not get any assistance or do not find the party that helps them solve these problems.".
A large number of parents told her that they had suffered years of violence before reporting their children, and they do not make phone calls to ask for help except when they reach the stage of real fear.
"Their fear and anxiety can be understood from criminalizing the child and the consequences of this on the future of the child," she says..
Before the study conducted by Condry, there were very few research on the violence that children practice on parents, and very little awareness of its existence at all..
"This issue was not present on any official website, or in any government policy, there was no mention of it anywhere.".
"However, when I spoke to the people who worked with children and their families from all backgrounds, they talked about their confrontation with such cases all the time, the silence that surrounds this issue is really interesting.".
Families may avoid telling even their friends of what they are exposed to at the hands of their children.
"There is a terrible feeling of this matter," says Helen Ponik, a former social worker and author of children's violence against parents..
"If you are the parents, then your child raising your child to be a responsible person in society and a loving man and a person interested in others, and if something happens, you feel that you are a failure to raise him.".
"No one wants to talk about that.And because no one is doing it, you think you are the only one who is going through this situation..
Like domestic and marital violence, children's violence against parents affects people from all social backgrounds, whether they are rich or poor, and it will be a mistake to believe that this happens only in children who live in the care of children.
In fact, Michelle John, from the Foundation for the Support of Parents, who is interested in violent children against the parents, says that her institution helps families facing violence from real children more than families who adopted children.
As in the Hazel family, mothers are often targets.
"Women are victims of domestic violence of all kinds in general, and this is the case here too," said Rachel Condry.."Although parents are also exposed to him, the violence issued by the son towards the mother is the most common form.".
Now that no local school will accept granting a seat to Aden, it has rejected it or expelled it.The closest school of his home is half an hour by car, and it also cannot meet his complex needs.
"They have succeeded in containing it, but nothing has been resolved," he says. "The child is still retreating in education,".
In the educational point of view, Aiden actually falls behind by other children who are about three or four years old, although his line is beautiful.
Hizel pushed for training sessions to learn technologies that she can use to reduce Edin violence attacks, and avoid harm.
One of the methods is the hides behind a large sofa pillow to protect itself.
"The first time, he took the pillow from me and struck me with it, so I said to myself I must hold it more tightly, and the second time the matter succeeded well, and I was able to put it between me and him, as he was kicking and kicking the pillow and trying to circumvent it but to no avail.".
Hezel insists that her son is not evil, but he became violent because of the shock he was exposed to in his past, and this is not his guilt.
She says: "Although it appears to be aggressive, it is not really so, the matter is outside his will, in fact it is nice and pleasant, and we love each other.".
But the pressure caused by that forced her to leave her function, her health declined and she suffered from a leather disease repeatedly and lung inflammation more than once in the past year, and she is now dealing with antidepressants as her relationship with her husband was also affected..
She says: "When we realized for the first time that we are about a problem and that it is very difficult, we felt mainly that we made a mistake and we could no longer deal with the problem, saying this loudly means that you have to do something, so none of us said this loudly.We did not talk to each other for almost six months..
متى تبرز المشكلة؟
"Who is responsible?"It is when the child's behavior becomes involved, aggressive, or not safe or threatened, this means that the child's behavior is not natural.Among the signs that indicate:
Two years ago, after a long thinking, he was about to make a radical decision."I found that the effect of this on the family as a whole is very large, so I decided to take Aiden and leave away," she says..
But her husband persuaded her not to do so, and despite her admission now that this may have been the right decision, he does not reduce the feeling of guilt that she feels towards other children in her family
"It is their childhood that we are at risk," she says.
Hezel had been reluctant to visit others in their homes a long time before the epidemic spread.She does not even attend large family occasions, and her parents are only seen while Aiden is in school because they cannot bear his behavior, nor does she meet her friends except in the absence of Aiden.
Do not stay up by Hizel and her husband outside the house and do not pass a weekend abroad, and no one can leave Aiden with his care because of his behavior."We are incredibly isolated," says Hezel..
But she found great comfort in her online communication with the Forum of Fathers who live the same experience, as they exchange their experiences and adaptation mechanisms and provide moral support to some of them
The discovery of a large number of people for the same dilemma was interesting.
She says: "A large number of families suffer from the same suffering.".
"Children's violence against parents is not anyone, but everyone is also, meaning that there is no single service or the responsibility of one party, I think this is a real problem.".
The great hope of the family is to enter Aiden in an internal school aimed at rehabilitating children completely like him within three years, allowing them to return to their homes, live with their families, and join regular schools.
"I really want him to attend a reformist school, a school that really helps him," says Hezel..But entry criteria are strict and complex, so they are far -reaching.
Hezel feels anxious if Aden is not accepted, and says: "He will go on the path of deviation and will enter into problems with the police, he will lose a battle and take another, I see his future in prison in front of my eyes.".
At the present time, she continues to try to hide things.While Aiden is in school, she is walking with the dog, thinking and preparing to deal with Aiden.
Edin may decide to break the place, throw the contents of the fruit bowl on it and jump over the fence.And if it is a quiet night, Aiden will listen to his audio books, the same stories, over and over again, following the words on the page.And when it comes to bedtime, the doors will be closed in the basement so that it does not disturb the bitch if it wakes up at night.